I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
