So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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