Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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