meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
