Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize