I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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