Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
