so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
