Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm at about main and main street
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
