He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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