That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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