I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Randomize
