I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
