Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
