I met the friendliest cop last night
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
