when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
