Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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