i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
