addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
