omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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