It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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