I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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