We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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