i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
