I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
