just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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