The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
