Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You dont lie about slip and slides
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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