I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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