You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
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I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong