He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
