the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
