you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
