dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
why do cheetos always look like penises
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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