if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
