just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
