Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
