so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
