I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
