I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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