the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
