I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
