i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
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Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
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Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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