I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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