So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
