the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
