just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
