3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
