party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
