So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
