He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize