If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
