walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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