I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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