Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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