so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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