I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
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What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
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That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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