i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
