my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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