pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
