barbara walters just said penis...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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