I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
