the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
