Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
