I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
