Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
