On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
