Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
